61: Waiting

I was speaking to a friend yesterday and I told her that I felt like a good deal of my life was waiting. She nodded in agreement and then responded that the key, though, is to live like you are not. If you consider every moment as just waiting for something else, then you tend to loose sight of the present. I lose sight of the present frequently. I am going to try to make an effort to steer away from that.


Living in the present is complicated. But I hope to improve.

60: UNCHRISTIAN

I am in the process of reading a book called UnChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity...and Why It Matters by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons. Below are a few quotes interesting thoughts from the book:

"In studying thousands of outsiders' impressions, it is  clear that Christians are primarily perceived for what they stand against. We have become famous for what we oppose, rather than who we are for."


"As Christians, however, we need to make continual, honest evaluations of ourselves so that we can uncover the ways in which our lives do not accurately reflect what we profess."

"Jesus was concerned about the reputation of his Father in heaven. Are you? Your life shows other people what God is like."

59: Constant

I pray for the sun
Some guidance, some truth, some glimpse of the things to come
With only your song
Your love made me strong when all hope was gone

All through the night I was falling
Straining to hear your voice calling
You never gave up, never gave in, never quite gave up on me
You are my constant

We always want time
To hoard up our treasures and bury our dead
It's true what he said
The foxes have holes but the king has no place for his head

I pray for relief
But relief doesn't come, just the will to press on
With only your song
Your love makes me strong when all hope is gone


All through the night, Your love is faithful to me
All through the night, your love is right here with me
All through the night, your love is holding me

Constant by House of Heroes 


Over the last couple of years, I have come to learn that NOTHING is ever a given, except God. 

An interesting concept about marriage is that when your spouse's life direction changes, so does your own.  Our lives changed direction a couple of weeks ago. A couple of weeks ago, I discovered this song. 


I am learning to take my emotions out of the equation sometimes, because my emotions can deceive me. I am learning to sift through my emotions with Truth. My mentor told me last week to take my husband at his word. I realized today that that goes for God too. I should be taking God at his Word, not interpreting or trying to find messages where there are no messages, but to weigh it against His Word.

58: Creativity

I believe that in order to do something that's really creative, to truly create something, I think that means that you have to do something that you don't know how to do. Otherwise I think you fall into the danger of becoming repetitious and that's a factory line. I think you have to keep walking into a room that you are not familiar with.
- Thad Cockrell



I was told a great deal at an internship in college that I needed to think more outside the box. They were trying to provide me the free time and space to do that, but I have found that unless there is a specific purpose, the idea of creating just to create is complicated. In my current position, I am constantly bombarded with new obstacles and projects that I've never even attempted to create before. With that I am constantly challenged, I learn much, but mostly I become keenly aware of how much more there is to learn. I think that I've become better for it.

57: Chocolate Soda

I like it when my husband goes to the grocery store. More times that not, he walks in, bags in his hand and says, "I've got a surprise." Sometimes it is my favorite snack or energy drink, but sometimes, it is something we have never tried before and he brings it home as a kind of mini-adventure.


This week it was Chocolate Soda. An intriguing carbonated-chocolate flavor. We will probably never buy again, but now we can say that we know what it tastes like.

56:DESK

I like to want things. I like to think about getting things for a long time before I actually get them. I've been wanting a desk for six months. I looked on craigslist often, finding potential choices, but never following up. See, desks cost money.

At our apartment complex, the area surrounding the dumpster was a permanent spot where reject furniture was placed. One day when I came home, there was a desk. It was small enough to fit into the nook in our room. I walked over to it and looked it over. It didn't match the furniture in our room. It was missing a shelf. It had wheels and the keyboard drawer worked. It was perfect.

I ran upstairs and told my husband to come downstairs with me. I showed him the desk and he was unexcited about taking a free desk from the dumpster area on our road. But he saw my excitement and gave in, only requesting that I clean every surface once we got upstairs. I did.

It is beat up, but it is mine. I made a corner of it and I could not be more excited. My husband said he would never use it, but the other day I came home to find him using the printer, sitting in the chair, computer attached. Our newest addition is therefore officially a success.

55: You'll never find me

"I met God on the street tonight
and he said: 'choose your battles wisely or you’ll never find me'"

As a non-Christian, I had issues with Christianity, stumbling blocks that kept me from believing in and accepting such a faith. I can't count the number of times I've heard, "I don't know if I can believe in a faith that feels this way about this particular issue." I had multiple issues. When I came to Christ I still had those issues, I still struggled between what I wanted to believe and what I was being told was true. I won't say that one day I suddenly accepted the other side. It was a slow chipping away at my soul, unnoticed by me mostly. The issues became less and less important in the grand scheme of things. In fact, they are all beside the point except a few very crucial beliefs.

I didn't stop battling with God. In fact, most days I still find myself not listening. But the battles are not the point. That is what this line means to me. I am so thankful that God took me as his own on one unexpected Sunday when I was a freshman in college. I am so thankful that my friend asked me as a favor to go to church with her. I am so thankful that on that day I was so aware of my brokenness and my need that I started to believe in the truth. My life has never been the same.