43-12

A week ago yesterday was Ash Wednesday. I will tell you about my experience in 2010 because it changed my view of suffering and of myself and showed me a possible insight into some biblical text that I did not fully understand.

The experience

2010 was the first and only year that I attended an Ash Wednesday service (I went to an episcopal church in Maryland for the service, though I was not a regular attendee, some of my friends and classmates were). Some of the greater parts of the experience are a blur, but I remember going to get the ashes put on my forehead. The priest going down the line of kneeled bodies whispered something to each of them as he made the sign of the cross with ash covered fingers on their foreheads. I couldn't quite make it out until he got closer. "You are dust and to dust you shall return."

My heart filled with joy as those ashes were placed on my forehead. A reminder of our place, of the majesty and glory of God's creation of us, but also, of the very real truth of life... we are dust. Thank the Lord that God does not think of us that way for it says that He thinks of us more than the number of grains of sand on the earth, for He loves us so. But sometimes, I think we all need to remember where we've come from. Not where we live or where we were born, but ultimately that we come from dust. The recognition of that simple fact takes away any want in me for anything else because I am not entitled to anything and yet I ask(Gen. 18:27-28), but it is good to remember that asking does not mean I will receive. The miracle that is creation and life is enough. And I am not even entitled to that.




The insight


Around this time, I was reading books in the Old Testament. A reoccurring trend in the Old Testament is that the main character goes through some sort of struggle or suffering. One of the immediate responses of the character is to put ashes or dust on his or her head (Ezekiel 27:30, Joshua 7:6, 1 Samuel 4:12, 2 Samuel 1:2, 2 Samuel 13:19, Nehemiah 9:1, Job 2:12, Lamentations 2:10). I wondered if in the midst of their grieving the characters put ashes on their heads for a similar reason that we do on Ash Wednesday. To remind ourselves that we are dust and to dust we shall return.

I asked a great deal of people wiser than me this question about my insight. I never received a yes or a no, but many maybe's. So take this insight as a maybe. Though I will say that in the midst of suffering it is good for me to remind myself of Ash Wednesday because doing so makes the weight lighter.